1 post tagged “vag”

I don't care how much you love your parents, it is always awkward when your mom or dad gets a brand spankin' new significant other. It is even more awkward when your mom wants to talk "shop" with you.

It makes absolutely no difference that you're now a legal "adult" OR that your mom was a Biology teacher (meaning sex-talk was always more this is the penis rather than now, honey...on your wedding night.)

I will STILL cover my ears and start singing "This is the song that never ends...," in an effort to avoid permanent scarring because any sentence that involves these phrases: "Tony thinks...," "my boobs," "sugar-pie," or "I wish you were here too..hehe." are more than enough to make me want to vomit.

It's only fair that I have this reaction, considering I grew up in an entirely Dominant Male-Free Zone. I don't know any better and I've never seen my mother in love with anything other than her children and perhaps Breyers ice cream.

So I don't care if you think I'm being childish, hell, I'll be the first to admit it. I just firmly believe there are some topics that shouldn't come up at the dinner table, the grocery store, the gym, or in LIFE because I will avert eye contact and start my mental ritual to rid myself of horrid images - like mom and her lover "doin' it".

I know I will never be old enough and/or mature enough to accept the fact that my mother still has a working vag.

Ew. Ew. Ew.